Start Again

"Start again, start again..." This is how every Vipassana meditation began at the Dhamma Dhara Center in Shelburne, MA. S.N. Goenka's powerful and gentle guiding voice reminding us to stay equanimous, knowing the only lasting thing is change (annica).

The law of Dhamma is the law of nature, the law of impermanence. It is a reminder that every second our atoms are continuously arising and vanishing, a flow of vibration passing into and out of existence. With every breath, every moment is brand new. This reminded me of the first line of the Yoga Sutras, "The practice of yoga starts now." This is not just an introduction to the text. This is a reminder that in every moment of every day we can return to this truth about ourselves and the present moment.

As incredible as this experience was and despite all that I felt I gained, I was unable to complete the full 10 days. With a mix of horror, devastation, and relief, I left on the evening of day 8. I could say that I failed, that I broke my commitment. I could say that I this only got me so far and now I need a new technique. Or I could say that it happened, I gained what I gained, I lost what I lost, and I am grateful.

At any given moment, it is our mindset that determines our reality. We can hold on to past pains and past regrets, wishing they never happened and blaming them for our current predicaments. We can stress and pine for a future that is never guaranteed, constantly comparing ourselves and our situation to others. Or we can be present with what is, as it is, and choose to start again.